Learning Notes

How to Ask Nicely

TagsExpressions Formality Past Tense Verbs
8 min read

When you first start learning Portuguese, you tend to rely on simple, direct phrases: Quero um café, Preciso de ajuda, etc…
There’s nothing wrong with that, and people will understand you. But European Portuguese speakers rarely phrase things that bluntly, even for small, everyday requests.
Adding a por favorplease  and using other polite phrases goes a long way, of course, but there are also several other ways to soften your language and sound more polite and natural.
If you’re ready to fine-tune your phrasing, you’re in the right place!

The “Courtesy Imperfect”

The single most useful shift you can make is to use the pretérito imperfeito instead of the present tense when making requests. This is so common that it has its own name: the imperfeito de cortesia, or “courtesy imperfect.”
Normally the “imperfeito” is used to talk about the past (e.g. Quando era criança… – When I was a child…). But here, it serves a different purpose. By nudging the verb into the past, it becomes more indirect, creating a softer tone.

  • Quero um café (I want a coffee) → Queria um café, por favorI'd like a coffee, please
  • Não quero esperar (I don’t want to wait) → Preferia não esperar muito tempoI'd rather not wait too long

The literal translation of queria is “I wanted,” but in context it works just like “I would like” in English. Similarly, preferia (I preferred) works more like “I would prefer / I’d rather”.
In addition to querer and preferir, a few other common verbs to use for requests like this are poder, precisar (de), and gostar (de).
Let’s take a look at some more examples:

In European Portuguese (and many other languages), sounding polite often means creating a bit of distance. These subtle adjustments can help you sound more cooperative and socially aware as you find your footing in the language. 🤗

Other Ways to Soften Requests

Era para… (I’m here to… / I was hoping to…)

Era is the imperfeito form of ser, so era para literally means “It was to…“. In practice, it helps shift the tone from “I need this / Do this” to a more neutral “This is what this interaction is about”.
Common at service counters, pharmacies, on the phone, etc., it’s a natural way to introduce why you’re there without sounding like you’re giving orders.

Será que…? (I wonder if… / Would it be possible…?)

Adding será que (literally, “will it be that”) to a question introduces some uncertainty, which makes a question or request sound less presumptive.

Importa-se de…? / Importas-te de…? (Would you mind…?)

Now we’re getting extra polite. The verb form changes based on who you’re talking to:

  • Importa-se de…? — formal (o senhor / a senhora)
    • Importa-se de repetir?Would you(sing.,formal) mind repeating that?
    • Importa-se de me ajudar a preencher este formulário?Would you(sing.,formal) mind helping me fill in this form?
  • Importas-te de…? — informal (tu)

Por favor / Se faz favor (Please)

The standard we mentioned in the introduction. European Portuguese gives you two versions:

  • Por favor — the safer, more neutral option
  • Se faz favor — slightly more casual, very common in cafés and shops

When in doubt, simply add one of these and you’re covered. (Bonus points if you layer them nicely with the other phrases mentioned above.)

Complaining Politely

Bringing up a problem or concern in a language you don’t know well can be nerve-wracking. Too direct and you risk sounding aggressive. Too timid and nothing gets resolved.
A good middle ground is to set a polite tone, frame the issue as an observation (rather than an accusation), and then point to a solution.

🙏 Set the tone:

Opening with Desculpe (Excuse me / Sorry), or something even warmer like Desculpe o incómodo (Sorry for the inconvenience) or Lamento incomodar (Sorry to bother you), can help to set a cooperative tone before you’ve even started. Não sei se… (I’m not sure if…) also works well when you want to give the other person room to explain.

  • Lamento incomodar, mas há um problema que gostava de resolverSorry to bother you, but there's an issue I'd like to sort out
  • Desculpe, acho que se enganaram no meu pedidoExcuse me, I think you made a mistake with my order
  • Não sei se já sabe, mas parece que a máquina de café não está a funcionarI'm not sure if you're already aware, but it seems the coffee machine isn't working

🤔 Make an observation:

Rather than stating the problem as a fact, hedge it slightly. Parece / Parece que… (It seems / It seems that…) and Acho que… (I think that…) signal that you’re mentioning something calmly, not picking a fight.

👉 Point to a solution:

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